Free-Write

I can't sleeeeeeeeep. So here I am exercising my writing. I haven't written anything in awhile and I feel like I may be getting dumber - making spelling and punctuation errors that I would never have made before. So I guess I'll just let my thoughts flow...

Hmm... what comes to mind? Ahh... Here we go...

Oh man... I loooooove my hair. Lately, all I've been doing is playing with my hair. ^_^ Most girls go through this phase in junior high but of course, ever the late bloomer, I'm just getting into it. LoL It's logical, I guess... I got into shopping more, I got into make up more (didn't think that was possible), and now hair!

So... what's new with me? I can do push ups now, and pull ups, and I have become obsessed with going to the gym. Where did all this motivation come from? Mostly from wanting to become stronger. Figures... I wanna get fit primarily because I want my punches and kicks to be strong and effective, wanting to look better is secondary. I have such a one-track mind, but hey, whatever works, right? The reason I want to get stronger is because I've been learning Jeet Kune Do, Arnis/Kali/Escrima, and Muay Thai kickboxing at Magda Institute. I got a free VIP pass for a month, but this past week was my last week. All I'm doing now is trying to get into shape while I wait to save enough money to actually join. I have all the equipment already - boxing gloves, fighting sticks, jump rope, so I can pretty much practice the moves I've already learned on my own for now.

Despite all the working out, I feel like such a fat ass right now. I had Ihop today - my fave, garden crepes (with a load of hollandaise). Took me nearly all day to eat the damn crepes, and I guess that's good because my stomach must be shrinking, but still, I somehow ate the entire serving! It was a huge serving too! ~.~ Anyway, I guess I'll work it off as soon as I feel better. I better not have gained any weight until then though because that would set me back big time!

Why am I keeping this stupid blog??? Arthur's never on Vox anyway. The point of starting this was so that we could keep in touch and stay updated on the goings-on in each others' lives. This is worthless. Well, it everything's been useless. I call and I can never reach him. Well, almost never. Might as well be never. I know I'm obviously no longer a priority in his life and I didn't expect to be after years of being out of touch and being in different countries. It's just that he seemed so happy to finally be in touch again that I thought that staying in touch from then on was as important to him as it is to me. More than that, we both promised each other we would. Sometimes, I truly don't know what to believe. Does he miss me? Does he just say that to make me feel better? Does he really want to keep in touch? Why does it feel like I'm the only one trying to stay in touch then? Ugh... I have all these conflicting thoughts. Part of me is convinced that he doesn't care as much as he says, and then there's that other part of me that refuses to believe that he would ever say anything he doesn't mean. From the way I knew him years ago, I'm sure he would never be so fake. That's the problem though... it's been years and nobody spends years without changing at least a little bit so he's obviously not the same person and therefore, I don't really know him anymore.

*sigh* The things we do for the people we love. I guess sometimes it's just difficult to differentiate between tenses - "love" or "loved." I still don't know how to differentiate... Or maybe I just don't care to... Damn... I think too much.

On to something completely irrelevant now: This pic is of me at work. Took it with my cel just to see how my hair looked. Yeah, I'm obsessed with my hair, but then, I said that already, didn't I? That may just be a passing phase because I'm sure that there'll be days when I'll be too lazy to obsess. Don't know why I'm putting this picture up, really. Just felt like it. It's one of the rare pictures of myself that I'm actually alright with. Most of the time, I always have something to criticize when it comes to pictures of myself. Hmmm... Not bad... not bad at all. I just wish I could lose all the excess weight already!!! >.< It's gonna be a loooong, challenging, ride since I'm so iffy about taking those slimming pills or teas and what-not. I intend on pulling this off strictly by eating right and working out like a madwoman. Pshhhh! Many have tried and failed, but I SHALL not! Failure is not an option here... the promise of mastering martial arts and getting the chance to shop for a completely new wardrobe are waiting for me! And... I'm sleepy. At last.

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